Anne‑Maartje Oud is founder of The Behaviour Company and author of WHAT TO DO IF…? How to Handle Any Situation at Work and Come Out Winning published by Kogan Page.
Make sure you use the last days of September for the conversations that matter.
Because September has something unexpected we can use: a small window before the familiar pace of work completely takes over again.
You are back from your holiday, but hopefully not yet completely absorbed by meetings, deadlines and everything that demands your attention. Try to use this window before you simply slip back into old routines. Have the conversation you know you need to have.
Why do it now? Your holiday probably helped you in a way you might not even realise. Time away from work gives us something that is difficult to create when we are in the middle of everyday working life: distance. Perhaps you had already noticed it before you went on holiday. A colleague who interrupts you again and again. A meeting that regularly ends with irritation but without anyone naming what is happening.
A holiday does not automatically solve any of that. What it can do is give you enough distance to think about it differently and look at it more clearly. Maybe you can now describe more precisely what is bothering you. Or perhaps the time away has helped you move beyond the frustration and think more clearly about what you actually want to address with your boss, what needs to change and what you want to ask for.
If something became clearer to you during your holiday, don’t leave it as a thought in your head. Put it into words and have the conversation, even if speaking up feels uncomfortable; addressing what matters to you is also a way of taking care of yourself. Once the pace of work takes over again, it is very easy to think, “Never mind, it’s not that important,” and slip back into the same pattern. Remember that there was a reason you were thinking about it when you finally had some distance and now is the time to act on it.
September also gives you another advantage: there is still time.
If you address something now, you have several months in which to notice whether behaviour actually changes. You can agree on something, try it, come back to it and adjust. That is very different from carrying an irritation through the autumn and finally mentioning it in December, when everyone is tired and focused on finishing the year.
And there is another reason not to wait: behaviour that is left unaddressed can quietly become accepted behaviour, until what once bothered you simply becomes “how we do things here.”
So, before September becomes completely absorbed by the day-to-day again, ask yourself a few questions. What did you notice before your holiday that still deserves attention? What became clearer when you had some distance? Is there a conversation you now feel better prepared to have?
Before your diary fills up again, take twenty minutes and write down three things:
What did I notice before the summer?
Think about behaviour, not personalities. Instead of writing, “He is difficult,” write down what actually happens. “When I disagree with him in meetings, he interrupts me and raises his voice.” Behaviour gives you something you can discuss. A judgement usually gives the other person something to defend.
What do I want to be different?
This is often the step people miss. They know what annoys them, but not what they want instead. If meetings are frustrating because nobody makes decisions, perhaps you want every meeting to end with a clear decision, owner and deadline. If a colleague regularly interrupts, perhaps you want to agree that you both allow each other to finish speaking.
Which conversation do I need to have?
Choose one. You do not need start giving everyone feedback. You do not need to return to work with a long list of difficult conversations. But if there is one conversation that could make collaboration easier or more effective for the rest of the year, make September the month you finally have it.
