When people hear I lead product teams in tech, they often assume I’m deeply technical, probably have a computer science degree, and spend most of my day immersed in code.
But in reality, I trained as an archaeologist. My first job was as a cashier in a high street department store. And I spent years working in retail and banking before I ever touched a product roadmap.
I didn’t grow up thinking I’d work in tech. Honestly, I didn’t even consider myself “techy.” What I did know, though, was how to read people. I knew how to calm an irate customer, spot the moment a conversation was about to derail, and adapt my tone to bring things back down. At the time, I didn’t have the language for those skills. I certainly didn’t know they’d become the foundation of a career leading complex tech teams. But looking back now, it’s clear that emotional intelligence was always my superpower.
Tech needs people skills – desperately
In this industry, we’re often taught to prioritise hard skills like coding and data analysis. Those things are important, of course. But they don’t exist in a vacuum. Every decision, every sprint, every product developed; it all involves people. And people are messy. They have emotions, egos, histories, and different ways of working.
That’s where soft skills come in.
You don’t scale a platform without trust between teams. You don’t deliver security solutions without clear, empathetic communication. And you certainly don’t lead through complexity if you can’t understand what motivates – or worries – the people around you.
Some of the most powerful moments in my career haven’t been about tech at all. They’ve been about how someone feels. Whether that was a team member who felt seen in a tough moment, or a customer who left a call with clarity and confidence; that emotional connection is where the real work happens. That’s what defines whether you succeed, or fail.
The invisible work women already do
Here’s the thing: women are already doing this work. Constantly. The emotional labour, the quiet mediating, the listening, the extra preparation. The adaption of tone, or gentle employment of deescalation tactics. We often carry it without being asked, let alone recognised. And while that can be frustrating (and it is), I want to reframe it.
Those soft skills are the real skills. Strategic ones. And the sooner we start treating them that way, the more power we’ll have to own and grow them.
In my own leadership journey, I’ve seen how being emotionally attuned – really leaning into how people think and feel – can be a huge advantage. It’s helped me manage high-stakes meetings. It’s built trust with engineering teams. It’s helped me navigate difficult conversations and create space for others to be heard. Soft skills aren’t “nice to have.” They’re the glue that holds everything together.
How to build your EQ muscle
If you’re thinking, Okay, but where do I start?, here’s what’s worked for me:
- Watch the room. Whether virtual or in-person, take note of people’s body language, energy shifts, and tone. See how they react and respond. You can learn so much just by paying attention.
- Keep a wins notebook. I write down moments that went well. Whether I managed to turn around a tricky situation or got positive feedback. It’s easy to forget the soft wins. Don’t.
- Observe others. Notice how great (and not so great) communicators operate. What do they do in tense moments? How do they bring others with them? Learn from what you see.
- Get intentional. Emotional intelligence isn’t passive. It takes effort. Pause before responding to something. Reflect on your feelings in the moment, try new approaches you’ve seen others use, and most importantly – ask for feedback.
And when you’re mentoring others: Name it. Encourage it. Champion it. Help your teams understand that these skills aren’t “extra” – they’re essential.
Leadership doesn’t look one way
One of the biggest misconceptions in tech is that to lead, you need to be the loudest, most confident voice in the room. That hasn’t been my experience. In fact, the further I’ve progressed, the more I’ve seen the value in thoughtful leadership, the kind that listens more than it speaks, that earns trust before making changes. The best leaders don’t succeed by shouting or making demands – that breaches trust and causes tension. Instead, I’ve watched highly successful leaders navigate the people, get alignment outside the room, and consider diverse perspectives before committing to a direction.
As women, we often have to work harder to be seen as credible. There’s data to back that up. But instead of shrinking ourselves to fit into traditional leadership moulds, I think it’s time we expanded the definition of what good leadership looks like.
If you’re someone who observes before jumping in, who de-escalates conflict, who notices the small things others miss, don’t underestimate how powerful that is.
Your superpower is already in you
You don’t need to become someone else to succeed in tech. You just need to recognise what you’re already doing and understand the value in it. Soft skills are often invisible, but that doesn’t mean they’re insignificant. In fact, they’re the secret sauce behind every successful team I’ve ever worked on.
So own them. Grow them. Talk about them. Because when you lead with empathy, curiosity and intention, you’re not just surviving in tech, you’re transforming it.
