Fay Niewiadomski is the author of Decisions That Matter: Rethink, Reimagine, Reset Your Life, a strategic leadership advisor, and the founder and CEO of ICTN – a global consultancy delivering leadership and cultural transformation programmes since 1993.
Who we are in our mind’s eye is how we project ourselves to the world around us.
It matters because others will treat us in exactly the same way we treat ourselves. We are communicating all the time by transmitting visual, vocal and verbal cues through our appearance and behaviour. Just as a book is often unfairly judged by its cover and its contents never read, so too we are judged by the way we choose to present our professional selves to the world.
Our competence as well as our appearance impact how we are perceived and judged. Observations become opinions. Those opinions have a direct bearing on our career progression when they belong to the decision makers. That is why congruence – the alignment between what is seen, heard and done – influences how seriously others take us. Whether we are perceived as credible or not depends on congruence. So, let’s examine how credibility impacts career progression: What is the role you play? How do you play that role?
If we worry about causing offense, apologise too much, smile too much, occupy as little space as possible, dress as inconspicuously as possible, hug ourselves often, seek to please everyone or worse, play the role of “Sois belle et tais-toi !”, “look pretty and shut up!” You are not just tiptoeing, you are shrinking yourself into invisibility.
Those who are ‘invisible’ miss out on career opportunities because they are not “top-of-mind”. They are neither seen nor heard when promotions come up. No one remembers the amazing spreadsheets or the long hours you spent coding. How are you positioned: organised, confident and get things done, or the “tip-toer”, waiting for approval and permission before acting?
Let’s imagine that you have been selected as the lead character for the most important performance in your professional life!
Role – You are a wise leader, an expert in your field, trusted and well-liked but also respected for your ability to collaborate, problem-solve and innovate.
Behaviour – You know that your body language must be fully aligned with that role. Your audience trusts what their eyes tell them, “seeing is believing”. You walk into a room with confidence, spine straight, shoulders up, chin parallel with the floor. Open body language with arms moving freely at your side. You make eye contact with everyone in the room and look directly at those with whom you are speaking. You project kind facial expressions, and your tone of voice is firm and slightly base because you are breathing from your diaphragm. You take a central place at the table, sit comfortably on your chair and claim all the space you need to show that you belong, comfortably extending arms and legs.
Language – Your tone is firm, respectful, unapologetic and aligned with the role. You delete “sorry” and other unnecessary apologies from your sentences. You make your point without self-depreciating language like: “not sure”, “just want to“, “I’m not an expert”, “this may not be right”. You have the right to your opinions especially when supporting them with facts and figures. You say what you have to say. Then you look and listen and interact as the situation requires.
Costume – You look the part. Just as a book cover determines whether or not the book is bought and read, so too your clothing and style communicates your attitude to yourself and your role. Your clothing says you are comfortable and aligned with your role.
Make-up and hairstyle are also aligned with your role. Your head and face are the point of greatest focus during conversations and presentations. Eye-contact is central to your non-verbal communication, face to face and online. Your face projects calm confidence.
The Final Performance – Now you need to bring it all together by being totally congruent. Albert Mehrabian’s 7-38-55 Communication Rule states that our words only account for 7% of the meaning we convey, tone of voice 38% and body language for 55%. This formula is also referred to as the three Vs, verbal, vocal and visual. When these three elements are artfully synchronized, we seem credible and our messages are perceived as believable.
When thoughts, words and actions are fully aligned with our role, our communication is more likely to be accepted as authentic. The impact? It feels as if it was the most natural thing in the world that we were selected to play the lead role in that performance. Best of all, we believe that we deserve that role because we worked hard to bring the role to life and now we own it. The image in our mind’s eye changes and we project the role of wise leader, expert, collaborator and innovator with confidence and ease.
The Accolades – We grow to fill our full potential. We no longer apologise for our existence by tiptoeing. We replace people-pleasing with boundary management. We carry ourselves with physical, mental and emotional confidence because we know the secrets of congruence and artful synchronisation. Actions follow beliefs. Who we believe ourselves to be, is the strongest of all our beliefs and it is the one we work the hardest to prove.
Make sure that your self-image is really yours, clear, healthy and carefully examined before you settle on the role you genuinely want or accept a role assigned to you by someone else.
