I work with many women in tech who are on the edge of burnout – dealing with imposter syndrome, crushing working hours, and hostile workplace culture.
My client Lois is a brilliant woman in her late 30s and the only woman on a team of 30. Though respected by her employers, she struggled to be heard in meetings, was talked over, and watched others’ ideas get taken more seriously. Her confidence eroded slowly. She began to feel she was “too sensitive,” developed anxiety, and saw her health and relationships suffer.
Lois’s story is far from unique. Constant belittling and microagressions are rife in the industry. Deva Temple, Founder & Lead Researcher at Alignment Ethics Institute says “I was presenting with two men at a Tech Week event and they made me distribute the food while they networked. Everyone thought I was hired help.”
This boy’s club culture, layered on top of gruelling workloads, can take a devastating toll on your nervous system. It keeps you locked in fight-or-flight survival mode until you’re left flat and exhausted. That exhaustion isn’t because you’re not good enough or too sensitive. It’s because you’ve been good enough, and then some, for a culture that keeps moving the goalposts. Constantly translating, moderating, and second-guessing yourself is emotionally and physically draining. You’re not just carrying a workload, you’re carrying the weight of constant self-monitoring. Is it any wonder you’re tired?
So let’s talk about what actually helps.
Notice when you’re performing – and name it.
There’s a particular exhaustion that comes not from doing your work, but from managing how you’re perceived while doing it. The carefully softened tone. The laugh you deploy to take the edge off your own competence. Start noticing it – not to shame yourself, but because awareness is the first step to choosing differently. You can’t put down a weight you haven’t named.
My client Linda, the only female director in her organisation, learned to shift this. Before high-level meetings, she’d regulate her nervous system, using strategies to anchor herself in her own truth rather than trying to match others’ energy. She’d then walk in and shift the dynamic entirely – by asking questions, inviting discussion, and sparking creative thinking. It was subtle, but transformative.
Stop optimising yourself for environments that don’t fit.
Not all friction is yours to fix. Some of it is the room. Some of it is the culture. Some of it is a team built around a very specific template – and you’re not it. Before you sign up for another assertiveness workshop or spend a Sunday rewriting your communication style, ask honestly: “Is this actually my gap to close?” Sometimes the answer is yes. But sometimes the most useful thing you can do is stop shrinking yourself into a space that was never designed for you – and find, build, or demand a bigger one. Deva says “if people don’t show respect for my accomplishments, I won’t work with them. I don’t ruminate on it, I just move on. This enables me to stay in the game without collapsing”.
Find your people – and be honest with them.
The loneliness of being one of the few women in a room is real and under-discussed. Find mentors, networks and supporters with whom you can genuinely let your guard down, that you can tell “I have no idea what I’m doing” or “that meeting made me feel terrible” without it being held against you. These relationships aren’t a luxury; they’re essential.
Lois found a mentor who became a sounding board and source of encouragement. She then began mentoring junior colleagues herself – which did wonders for her confidence and brought her genuine joy.
Regulate your nervous system, not just your thoughts.
Resilience isn’t only a mindset issue; it lives in your body too. Prioritise sleep (non-negotiable for emotional regulation), physical movement you actually enjoy, and practices that activate your parasympathetic nervous system: breathwork, dance, time in nature, anything that creates genuine calm. And find a way to let off steam regularly – whether that’s spa days, kickboxing, or a techno club. It doesn’t matter what it is, just make sure you’re spending time outside of work doing things you love.
Burnout isn’t a badge, and it isn’t inevitable.
Tech has a complicated relationship with overwork, and suffering is sometimes worn as a badge of honour. Reject that framing entirely. Burnout doesn’t mean you worked hard enough; it means something was out of alignment for too long. Your ambition is not the problem. The conditions are – and the gender pay gap is real.
Your sensitivity is not a flaw. Your collaborative, intuitive leadership style is not a weakness. The moments you’ve felt “too much” or “not enough”? That’s a culture problem, not a you problem. You don’t need to harden or put on a mask. You need an environment that’s big enough for who you already are.
Burnout often arrives not because we worked too hard, but because we worked too long at becoming someone we’re not. Make sure you have support to develop self-trust, intuition and confidence. As Deva says, “I have a very good network of support. I’m just going to keep going”.
