Jen Paterno is a senior behavioural scientist at CoachHub, a global talent and learning leader, an ICF PCC & CEDC certified coach, a human experience enthusiast and an authenticity champion.
Jen specialises in developing programmes that unlock the human potential within individuals.
Let’s get the hard truth out of the way early: There’s no single formula for becoming a high performing woman at work.
Careers are rarely linear – trust me, I would know! Confidence fluctuates and success looks different depending on the season of life you’re in and what values are driving your decision making.
But over time, there are certain patterns you begin to notice. The women who thrive long term – particularly in leadership and high pressure industries – are not always the loudest or the most naturally confident. More often, they are the ones who learn what not to waste energy on.
Allow me to share with you a few things high performing women never do.
They don’t water themselves down
Women are still frequently judged by double standards in the workplace. A decisive man may be seen as strong or confident, meanwhile a decisive woman risks being labelled “difficult” or “abrasive”.
High performing women recognise this early. They understand there is rarely a version of leadership that pleases everyone, so they stop centring their decisions around being universally liked, often choosing to focus on efficiency and performance. For women in leadership positions, it also means doing what is best for the team as a whole.
That doesn’t mean becoming ruthless or unkind. It means being comfortable making difficult decisions, setting boundaries, and speaking with clarity, even when it feels uncomfortable. It means communicating transparently but with empathetic authority.
They don’t apologise for who they are
Authenticity matters more than perfection – yesterday, today, tomorrow. Who you are is unique and valuable in ways only you can be. High performing women are self-aware enough to know their strengths, honest enough to acknowledge their opportunities for growth, and confident enough to stop trying to fit every leadership stereotype around them.
Trying to become a version of yourself that feels performative is exhausting. The women who sustain long term success aren’t chasing leadership trends. They seek out environments where they can contribute as themselves, rather than constantly masking who they are.
They don’t try to do everything alone
Ambition is important, but isolation is not a strength. The most successful women understand the power of collaboration, mentorship and strong professional relationships. They actively support others, ask for help when they need it, and build networks rooted in partnership and trust rather than competition.
They know success is rarely achieved in isolation and that healthy teams outperform individual heroics every time. And while we are at it…
They don’t compare titles and timelines
One of the biggest misconceptions about success is that it arrives on a fixed schedule according to a clear roadmap.
For many women, careers are shaped by caregiving, parenthood, health challenges, relocations, or responsibilities outside of work on top of a number of ever-present systemic challenges. All of these may cause progress to pause, slow down or take unexpected detours.
High performing women don’t see these moments as failure. They understand that careers can evolve in phases, and that leadership capability often deepens through lived experience, resilience and perspective.
They don’t wait for perfect confidence
Confidence is rarely something people simply wake up with.
Many successful women take opportunities before they feel fully ready. They apply for the role, speak up in the meeting, or lead the project while still figuring things out internally. I’m not suggesting diving headfirst into a Dunning-Kruger moment, but waiting until you feel 100% prepared can often mean waiting too long. Take calculated risks and remember it’s okay to fail fast and fail forward.
They don’t confuse burnout with success
Being constantly overwhelmed is not a badge of honour. Being busy is not the same as being productive or efficient, in fact it can be quite the opposite. Burnout and overwhelm will cloud decision making, limit attention to detail and interfere with effective communication.
High performing women know sustainability matters. They understand that rest, boundaries and balance are not barriers to achievement, they are what make long term performance possible.
Finally, they don’t lose sight of other women along the way
The women who make the biggest impact are rarely focused only on themselves and never see other women as competition.
Successful women mentor. They advocate. They recommend other women for opportunities. They create space at the table instead of guarding it. Because real success is not just about how far you go individually, it’s about how many people feel empowered to progress alongside you, how many people you invite along for the ride.
